I freeze when he kisses me because I can't keep out the number I've heard on the news. 67 thousand killed, even more injured, of course. I mostly forget about the genocide. I rarely watch the news, I have enough of my own worries to count. I wish to have enough time one day so that I can help the victims of war, and there will be victims, because war is one of those things us humans are consistent about. So far.
Until then, I forget about the genocide for days, trying to make money so that I can make a life. I'm gonna buy a house out of town, with a yard or something a bit more than a yard, and get my hands dirty.
Sometimes I remember. I see a sticker on someone's laptop, I hear it in the conversations around me, I stumble upon a news report. The paroles are played in the back of my head for the rest of that evening, especially in those moments that feel so safe, we forget about the bare existence of danger in the first place. End up taking them at face value.
"Israel murders! SNS profits!", their words echo while I eat chips, while we cuddle, while I shower and tuck myself in clean sheets to sleep. They're pleasantly cool and soft on the bare skin of my lower legs. I have no worries of my body being mangled tonight.
I got out of the house that evening to bring some stuff back to mum's place. I simply had too much to do, but I was disturbed. Walking was the only thing I could bring myself to. Mum came home shortly after I put all of the stuff back in its place. We talked. I was sitting, looking at my mum, both of us aware that out there, on the same globe, there were people being tortured. And we hugged and I kissed the top of her head. I went home and found my usual place on my partner's left shoulder. The world is burning, and I love them, all at once. Love and grief crash, they produce something strange, to say the least. We find our little pockets of harmony in the emerging chaos.
This body is safe tonight, but it aches with understanding of how it feels for the bones to break, and for the stomach to go empty for a long, long time.