The biggest appeal of smoking was the safety net effect. When I don't know what to do, or just want to procrastinate a bit, smoking was my guy. It brought me to that cozy place, gave a sense of safety like no other.
When I got into the house after morning's lesson, the safety net feeling greeted me once again after a long, long time, with a different face. Writing these entries brings me the comfort. After this session, the world can roll on and I'll roll with it, but now, I just indulge in phrasing my thoughts.
That right there is the biggest reason why you should quit your addiction. I think the safety net feel is a usual thing for addictions. However, there's something out there deserving of that relationship with you, but you're not finding it stuck on that overplayed habit. It takes awhile. I'm not an active smoker for two and a half years now and I just rawdogged it without such a safety net. Yes, I found things to bring me joy, otherwise I wouldn't be able to stick with it, but the safety net is special, very close to heart, place where you feel just sooooo good. Anytime, anywhere.

I was coming back from my morning's lesson through the Sun-lit street on my bike, periodically shifting from my thoughts and the worry and melancholy they bring today, and the flickering green it the tree crowns, whiteness of the bleached building walls.
I made the effort to capture it all. Today's built from the external and the internal. I don't need to pick my scabs and dig into it, but I can hold it the way it is, together with the lovely morning setting. In essence, the internal and the external are one and the same, all just a part of this world, my peculiar sense of self doesn't change their equality, it just puts me somewhere within the system.
So, in their essential sameness, the fluidity of the internal against the rigidity of the external seems unexpected, weird. Then again, I'm comparing emotions to buildings, to physical structures. Maybe it would be more fair to compare them to the weather, while the physical structures are more like our personality.
That aside, I was just thinking of the possibility of my internal seeping out - the ways in which that part of the world would influence its neighbouring part eventually. Of course, it's the most visible in my room, for example, but slowly it would bleed into the street. The street bleeds into me the same. The beauty of the vibrant green can change my gloomy mood before my gloomy mood changes anything else. And we flow.