I never shared my writing online like this. Even if just a few people see it every day, maybe not even read too deeply into it, I feel like I have to keep writing, at least to surpress what I last said further down the list. Because I'm skeptical about the things that I share. I feel self-conscious. So, if I keep writing, it will matter less, because each entry will become a speck in a myriad.
The appearance of this text is quite awful right now, only with more text did I get to really see it. Maybe it motivates me to actually do some coding, rather than just ramble on. Maybe not. We'll see.
I mentioned that happiness is one of the ultimate human goals, but can end up overshadowed. I often think of what Jonathan Haidt said in his book The Happiness Hypothesis - humans aren't ultimately seeking happiness, humans are ultimately seeking a worldview that is coherent. Makes sense, doesn't contradict. That really struck me. Loops in my head from time to time.
Sometimes, believing that the world is ultimately a cruel, dark place, that saddness and suffering are the truth, that the rest is an illusion, can be a core belief. For me, it was sure close to home for a long time - you can see me deconstructing this in my poems sometimes.
If that happens to be the case, preserving this belief might come before finding happiness. It's hard to pull it out, because so many other conclusions depend on this one. So, happiness ultimately threatens to dismantle the only way a person managed to make sense of the world.
That is one way I can see the need for happiness end up overshadowed by a different essential human need.